Friday 20 September 2013

Guess Where I've Been!

  Emitting sounds here was like you were committing a crime. You would probably be stared by the others' fierce eyes full of hatred. Their eyes were telling you, "It is a dangerous place if you don't behave yourself!" The air from the air-conditioner was bone chilling wind, making my body kept quivering. Therefore, in order to keep myself warm, I started to have a stroll to look around here. 

    The bookcases were arranged neatly, like queuing up in the playground. I walked into the oversize circulation, most of the books were covered by dirt. Some of the front covers of those old books were torn. Suddenly, I heard there was something kept on buzzing around my ears and flying around my face. I really hoped that it wouldn't fall in love with me. I could hear my heartbeats and they became faster and faster. I was even not dare to move. Luckily, the vampire bloodsucker was not interested in me
. Instead, it left and found another target to sustain its life. When I was turning over the pages, flies were coming out from it and those dusts are allergic to me, causing me to cough. "Ha-choo!" It was guilty when I was producing such a loud voice, so I crept up and left, trying to avoid making any noise.

     After that, I left there and travelled around here again. I came across to the printing room. The smell of the ink permeated the room and the corridor. Students were lining up for the fast print. The queue was as long as the dragon with no end. People started to find distraction from boredom. Many of them became smartphone addicts and having fun with their mobile phones, such as playing facebook, Instagram. They had a habit that uploading a photo on their status and grumbling in the caption, saying that "How come our school is a miser? I don't need you to save money for us!" Some of them were having chit-chat with their friends while they were waiting to print their notes. However, their whispers annoyed those who were sitting beside them, trying to concentrate their revision. "Shu......" It really grasped their attention but there was no influence on them. Those at the back were snoozing, like they were enjoying their fantasy because their snoring were quite obvious.

    I went back to the study carrel to continue my revision. Students around me were having stacks of reference books beside them. It seemed that If they haven't finished reading those books, they were not going to leave. Everybody were afraid of being left behind from others. Of course, not all of them were that hard-working. Some students were waiting for their lessons, but they didn’t know how to spend the time before their lectures, so some of them were sleeping happily on the sofa. The saliva were drooling from their mouths to the floor. In order to kill time, most of the boys were sitting in front of their computers. Playing action games with lots of body gestures, they moved around their arms and legs and hit the keyboard to have a better result. However, for those who really wanted to have a computer to do research for their assignments were forced to leave disappointingly. I could see fire from their eyes but they were just trying to suppress their temper.

    At here, not only reading, but witnessing.

11 comments:

  1. Hi tifanny! thanks for your suggestion on my draft :)
    Here's mine,first of all i think that past tense will suit better for this essay rather than using present tense. because by using present tense it makes reader think you do those things habitually.

    And I think the last paragraph is a bit out of context, perharps you can add more details about studying area (?) :) But overall i can imagine how does the library look like and the atmosphere in there so good job! :D

    http://austingoo.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Austin, I will make some amendment on my essay. Your suggestion is very useful to me ^^
      Actually I want to emphasize that the students there were working very hard, so they didn't notice they were bitten by the mosquito already. So should I write more about the place instead of how the mosquito bit the people?

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  2. Good writing,Tiffany.
    I see that you have use many sensory details in the essay, like the hearing and the smell. They make me feel like I am in the library too. However, I agree with Austin that the last paragraph is a bit off topic,maybe you can revise it and have a second version.
    P.S.Thanks for commenting on my essay: )

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    1. Hi Hilda~ Thanks for your appreciation and I hope I won't focus too much on the mosquito XD I'll make some changes on it ^^

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  3. It has been further improved Tiffany! Nice job! The description becomes more detailed.
    But I would like to suggest one more thing. In paragraph 2, you said a "oversize circulation", I think you may add your size is so small that just like an ant when comparing with the size of the library.
    P.S. Thanks for commenting on my writing.

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    1. Haha I'm so glad to hear that!!! ^^ Thanks :)

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  4. hello, I'm Maurice. I agree with Hilda that the sensory details appeared so often throughout the text, it's good. I particularly like the way you end your essay.

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    1. Hi Maurice! I can't believe you have commented on my blog XD I wonder why you could find my website haha. Anyway, you are the first one telling me that you like how I end my essay. I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you ^^

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    2. btw Maurice, can you give me your website as well so that I can give you some advice?

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  5. hi Tiffany~~ i am Grace and here are a few words from mine.
    At the beginning, i was wondering it seemed like you had been somewhere quite horrible @@ as you mentioned '' others' fierce eyes with full of hatred.''
    but later you described the details of books, students and printing room then i was able to know you were in library.
    All in all, I like the way you tell reader what you witness in the library :):):)

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    1. haha sorry for confusing you at the beginning XD I think I have created a very spooky atmosphere! Thank you for your comment :D

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